I Don’t Mean It Mean

17 Dec

Another season of joy.

And of course, that means it’s also time for…

Another song about heartbreak!

I’m trying to be funny, because I’m afraid of my feelings, you see.

This is a sensitive subject.

I don’t think of this blog as a place to get weirdly personal.

I like to talk about life and the realities thereof, of course.

But I don’t generally get too personal.

So please forgive me, but here we go.

The two-year separation began about nine years ago.

We were well into the first year when I hit an emotional bottom.

I had gone through the early stages of grieving the relationship.

Then I tried going out with a couple of blind dates set up by mutual friends.

The whole thing felt pretty silly. You could see the game. It was so obvious. The rules were: look goddamn good. That’s number one. Number two, have money. Preferably shitloads. Third, don’t be old.

Well, you could be old, but not Nebraska old.

You had to be Florida old. And that meant you needed a leathery tan, a tennis racket, a Starbucks and impossibly white teeth at all times.

So there was this game, and I learned it.

And I got surprisingly good at it, for a pasty white fellow in South Florida.

By my standards, I was knockin’ ‘em dead on Match.com for a minute.

I’m not saying they were all Princess Graces.

But they were all good people, and some of them were really interesting.

One or two were probably amazing, world-class women on all fronts.

But in the end, it truly wasn’t them. It was me.

They were playing a game they ultimately couldn’t win.

Because for whatever damn reason, the person I wanted to tell my story to at night was Melissa Livingston…

She remains that person to this day.

Enough time has passed. I can think about it and ponder it from a safer distance now.

Our separation has aged exceptionally well.

It has served us well in terms of both what it was, which was the opportunity to test theories about the world, to make sure you were doing the right thing with your life… And this task could not have occurred inside a married setting.

And the further in the past it gets, the better it seems to serve.

This new song, though, returns to that past…

To the very lowest, strangest point of my journey through a two-year separation (and back)…

I hope it honors that interesting, sad, exhilarating time.

I hope it’s honest enough. I hope it says something worth saying.

I call it: I Don’t Mean It Mean.

2 Responses to “I Don’t Mean It Mean”

  1. tlivin9422 December 18, 2017 at 2:55 am #

    Very soulful brother. Thanks for the song. Merry Christmas.

    • The Publisher December 19, 2017 at 4:27 am #

      Hot damn! Thank you!! I finally realized that my favorite music is actually soul music. I just didn’t know that’s what it was called. Sam Cooke was el jefe! Love you broski. Merry Christmas and all that jazz.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: